FUNNY MARRIAGE SAYINGS

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then. ~Katherine Hepburn


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The sum which two married people owe to one another defies calculation. It is an infinite debt, which can only be discharged through eternity. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe


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If you made a list of the reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960





There is no substitute for the comfort supplied by the utterly taken-for granted relationship. ~Iris Murdoch


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When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. ~G.B. Shaw, Getting Married, 1908


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A first-rate marriage is like a first-rate hotel: expensive, but worth it. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966


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Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. ~Author Unknown


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Though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools. ~William Congreve


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I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. ~Max Kauffman

Don't smother each other. No one can grow in shade. ~Leo Buscaglia


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Marriage is not a word — it is a sentence.


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Our marriage has always been a 50-50 proposition — with the possible exception of closet space. ~Gene Perret


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So heavy is the chain of wedlock that it needs two to carry it, and sometimes three. ~Alexandre Dumas, fils


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If your husband and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?


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A perfect marriage is one in which "I'm sorry" is said just often enough. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


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Marriage must constantly fight against a monster which devours everything: routine. ~Honoré de Balzac


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The marriage state, with or without the affection suitable to it, is the completest image of Heaven and Hell we are capable of receiving in this life. ~Richard Steele, The Spectator


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Adultery is the application of democracy to love. ~Henry Louis Mencken, "Sententiae," A Book of Burlesques, 1920


If you live to be a hundred, I want
To live to be a hundred minus one day,
So I never have to live without you.”
-Winnie the Pooh
“Write a list of ways that you have benefited from being married to your spouse. Then write a
list of your spouse’s positive patterns and qualities. Keep adding to the lists and reread them
frequently.


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In marriage, when we honor and celebrate each other, we’re freed up to be the best people we can be.


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QUOTES ABOUT MARRIAGE

In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer.


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Love is not something you look for… love is something you become.


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There is only one happiness in life; to love and be loved.



It is love, not reason, that is stronger than death.


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The most precious gift that marriage gave me was the constant impact of something very close and intimate, yet all the time unmistakably other, resistant – in a word, real.


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The True Measure Of Success is determined by your home life.

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it’s what you are expected to give — which is everything.


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True love begins when nothing is looked for in return.


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True love doesn’t happen by accident. It’s deliberate, it’s intentional, it’s purposeful, and in the end it’s worth it.


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Life isn’t perfect but love doesn’t care.


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Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. ~Simone Signoret


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Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner


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A long marriage is two people trying to dance a duet and two solos at the same time. ~Anne Taylor Fleming


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Woke up in bed with a gorgeous woman, who I'm going to have lunch and the rest of my life with. ~Jason Barmer,


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When you compromise your beliefs for the sake of gain, that is a lack of integrity. When you compromise your beliefs for the sake of greater understanding with your spouse, that’s called wisdom.


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One day, in your search for happiness, you discover a partner by your side, and you realize that your happiness has come to help you search.


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To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.


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In the opinion of the world, marriage ends all, as it does in a comedy. The truth is precisely the opposite: it begins all. ~Anne Sophie Swetchine


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In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced. ~Robert Sexton


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One of the nicest things you can say to your partner, ‘If I had it to do over again, I’d choose you. Again.’


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If you are have to argue, argue naked.


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Get Married
Stay Married
What a concept.


Leaves in the fall
Winds that have ceased
Rain that cries no more
Snow on a mountain
Dew covered grass
Water in a vase
An orchid in full bloom
Morning rays of sunlight
Painted colors of a sunset
A butterfly in her cocoon
A swan in the lake
Two lovers dancing in the night
A million stars without form
A little boy resting
A little girl praying
The eye of the storm
Wherever you are
Wherever you will be
My still point in a turning world


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Love is seeking to act for the other person’s highest good.


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INSPIRATIONAL MARRIAGE QUOTES

Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century. ~Mark Twain


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Matrimony—the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented. ~Heinrich Heine, "Musical Notes from Paris," translated from German by John Snodgrass


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Marriage ceremony: an incredible metaphysical sham of watching God and the law being dragged into the affairs of your family. ~O.C. Ogilvie

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor


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Mother-in-law: a woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers. ~Author Unknown


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Bachelor: the only man who has never told his wife a lie. ~Author Unknown

Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs. ~Author Unknown


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My wife tells me she doesn't care what I do when I'm away, as long as I'm not enjoying it.


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"What's for dinner?" is the only question many husbands ask their wives, and the only one to which they care about the answer.

Most marriages can survive "better or worse." The tester is all the years of "exactly the same." ~Robert Brault,


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Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages.


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People do not marry people, not real ones anyway; they marry what they think the person is; they marry illusions and images. The exciting adventure of marriage is finding out who the partner really is. ~James L. Framo, "Explorations in Marital & Family Therapy"


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Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage: "Ye who enter here leave all hope behind."

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Wasn't marriage, like life, unstimulating and unprofitable and somewhat empty when too well ordered and protected and guarded. Wasn't it finer, more splendid, more nourishing, when it was, like life itself, a mixture of the sordid and the magnificent; of mud and stars; of earth and flowers; of love and hate and laughter and tears and ugliness and beauty and hurt.

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"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

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One of the best things about marriage is that it gets young people to bed at a decent hour.

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Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest.

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If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.

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A single man has not nearly the value he would have in a state of union. He is an incomplete animal. He resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors.

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And when will there be an end of marrying? I suppose, when there is an end of living!

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The surest way to be alone is to get married.

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[W]hen you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

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It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

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The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him.

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Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters in prose. ~Beverley Nichols


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Valentine's Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is. ~Author Unknown


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If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in?

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You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding.

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FUNNY MARRIAGE QUOTES

What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life – to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent, unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting.


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I think a man and a woman should choose each other for life, for the
simple reason that a long life with all its accidents is barely enough time for
a man and a woman to understand each other and. . . to understand – is to love.


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Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be – the last of life for
which the first was made.


Marriage, the family unit, was the ‘original Department of Health, Education and Welfare.’


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You were my strength when I was weak; you were my voice when I couldn’t speak; you were my eyes when I couldn’t see; you saw the best there was in me; lifted me up when I couldn’t reach, you gave me faith cuz you believed. I’m everything I am because you loved me.


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One day you’ll kiss someone and know those are the lips you want to kiss for the rest of your life.

As we grow old together, as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change…I will always keep falling in love with you.


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True love isn’t found, it’s built. One day. One kiss. One conversation at a time.


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We cannot start over but we can begin now and make a new ending.

True love has no expiration date.


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The heart of marriage is memories.


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Couples who make it aren’t the ones who never had a reason to get divorced; they are simply the ones who decided early on that their commitment to each other was always going to be bigger than their differences and their flaws.


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Never be too busy for the people you love. Never allow pursuits or possessions to become bigger priorities than your relationships. Love is what gives meaning to life.


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God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.


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Thankful for my amazing husband. Grateful for our loving family. Fortunate to be given the gift of today and the ability to choose love with every breath.


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There are only two people who can create the marriage of my dreams: my spouse and me.


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Sometimes we need a reminder that the qualities that make our spouses different are also what make them great.


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More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse. ~Doug Larson


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One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. ~Judith Viorst


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Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night. ~Paul Hornung


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Divorce: The past tense of marriage. ~Author Unknown


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A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing. ~W. Somerset Maugham


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If two stand shoulder to shoulder against the gods,
Happy together, the gods themselves are helpless
Against them while they stand so.
~Maxwell Anderson


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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.


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Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.


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After the chills and fever of love, how nice is the 98.6º of marriage! ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960


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Love is a flower which turns into fruit at marriage. ~Finnish Proverb


A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together. ~James H. Boren


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All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble. ~Raymond Hull


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QUOTATIONS ABOUT MARRIAGE

Love-matches are made by people who are content, for a month of honey, to condemn themselves to a life of vinegar.


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Never marry for money. Ye'll borrow it cheaper. ~Scottish Proverb


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The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast. ~Gabriel García Márquez


She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook. ~Tommy Manville


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By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~Socrates


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It is not for the fresh cheek, the full lip, the fair forehead, the parted sweeps of sunny hair, and the girlish charm of form and features, that we love the wives who have walked hand in hand with us for years, but for new graces, opening each morning like flowers in the parterre, their predecessors having accomplished their beautiful mission and gone to seed. Old love renewed again, through new motives to love, is certainly a thing lovely in itself, and desirable by all whose ambition and happiness it is to sit supreme in a single heart...


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Marriage is more than four bare legs in a bed. ~Hoshang N. Akhtar


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A fellow ought to save a few of the long evenings he spends with his girl till after they're married. ~Kin Hubbard


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Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join. ~Elbert Hubbard


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Marriage: A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other for ninety-nine years, or until death do them join. ~Elbert Hubbard


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In the early years, you fight because you don't understand each other. In the later years, you fight because you do. ~Joan Didion


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It is easy to mistake being ready for a wedding with being ready for marriage. ~Robert Brault,

Marriages are like fingerprints; each one is different and each one is beautiful.


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Being in a long marriage is a little bit like that nice cup of coffee every morning – I might have it every day, but I still enjoy it.


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Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.


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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.


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Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.


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Once we figured out that we could not change each other, we became free to celebrate ourselves as we are.


Love is the greatest gift when given. It is the highest honor when received.


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A long-lasting marriage is built by two people who believe in -and live by- the solemn promise they made.


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BEST MARRIAGE QUOTES

Love requires a willingness to die; marriage, a willingness to live.


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To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the loving cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.


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Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended. ~Zsa Zsa Gabor


Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.


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I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with family and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
He said one that would make me his wife.

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.


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Love at first sight is easy to understand; it’s when two people have been looking at each other for a lifetime that it becomes a miracle.


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Love one another and you will be happy. It’s as simple and as difficult as that.


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I got gaps; you got gaps; we fill each other’s gaps.


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Marriage is the virtuous exploration of love in its purest form and pleasure in its highest state.


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Marriage is getting to have a sleepover with your best friend every night of the week.


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Marriages, like a garden, take time to grow. But the harvest is rich unto those who patiently and tenderly care for the ground.


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Being loved makes us smile. Being married makes us grow…and smile.


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You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.


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Walking with your hand in mine and mine in yours, that’s exactly where I want to be always.


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If you live to be 100, I hope to be 100 minus 1 day, So I never have to live without you.


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Through good times and bad. In sickness and in health. Whether rich or
poor. You and me, babe, we’re in this forever. And there’s no one on earth
I’d rather have by my side through it all than you.


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A happy marriage is not based on the number of days, months, or years you’ve been together. A happy marriage is about how much you love each other everyday.


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I choose you to be no other than yourself, loving what I know of you and trusting who you will become, I will respect and honor you always and in all ways. With you I pledge to repair one small piece of the world. I take you to be my spouse, to have and to hold, in tears and in laughter, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish from this day forward, in this world and the next.


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Can we imagine how much better our relationships might be if we argued a little less and snuggled a little more?


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I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. ~Rita Rudner

Marriage, n. A community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all two. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

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Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work. ~Author Unknown

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POSITIVE MARRIAGE QUOTES

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. ~George Bernard Shaw


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Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness of sins. ~Langdon Mitchell

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Bride, n. A woman with a fine prospect behind her. ~Ambrose Bierce, 

That quiet mutual gaze of a trusting husband and wife is like the first moment of rest or refuge from a great weariness or a great danger. ~George Eliot

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The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him. ~Leo J. Burke

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Pity all newlyweds. She cooks something nice for him, and he brings her flowers, and they kiss and think: How easy marriage is. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

The best time to love with your whole heart is always now, in this moment, because no breath beyond the current is promised.

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To find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness.

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Make a list of ten of your spouse’s faults, which, for the sake of your marriage, you will always overlook. You can live with those ten.

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In every marriage, more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and to continue to find, grounds for marriage.

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Two things are owed to truthfulness: lasting marriages and short friendships.

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One man's folly is another man's wife. ~Helen Rowland

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We sat side by side in the morning light and looked out at the future together.

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Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same direction.

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Love is not what the mind thinks, but what the heart feels.

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Marriage is a thousand little things that make up the sum of our vows.

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A great marriage isn’t something that just happens; it’s something that must be created.

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Being someone’s first love may be great, but to be their last is beyond perfect.


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Don’t compare your love story to those you watch in movies. They’re written by screenwriters, yours is written by God.


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Any reason is a good reason and any time is a good time to say ‘I Love You.’


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When a wife has a good husband, it is easily seen on her face.

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Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other everyday.

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Happily married people know that keeping score is what unhappily married people do.

I hear people say that ‘falling in love is a mistake’ because that means you can simply fall out of love. When it comes to marriage, it just means that you have the benefit of falling in love all over again each and every day.

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I’m not here because I’m supposed to be here, or because I’m trapped here, but because I’d rather be with you than anywhere else in the world.

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HAPPY AND POSITIVE MARRIAGE QUOTES

Love is quick to apologize and fast to forgive.


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The single most important thing we can do for the person we love is love them as they most desire to be loved.


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From the first moment I looked into your eyes, I knew with you was where I’d want to be forever. And the day I held you in my arms for the first time, I knew I’d never let you go.


A perfect relationship isn’t ever actually perfect. It’s just one where both people never give up.


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Bottom line…happy couples decide to be happy. In spite of whatever life deals them, they make happiness a habit.

Apologizing doesn’t always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means your value your relationship more than your ego.


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There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.


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Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband a month before she marries him and what she thinks of him a year afterward, and you will have the truth about him. ~H.L. Mencken, A Book of Burlesques, 1916


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The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds — they mature slowly. ~Peter De Vries


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To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart — about a finger's breadth — for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule. ~Marnie Reed Crowell


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We have the greatest pre-nuptial agreement in the world. It's called love. ~Gene Perret


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It takes a loose rein to keep a marriage tight. ~John Stevenson


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Mistress: something between a mister and a mattress. ~Author Unknown


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The most dangerous food is wedding cake. ~American Proverb


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To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.


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This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love; the more they give, the more they possess.


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I’ve learned … that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.


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Strange to say what delight we married people have to see these poor fools decoyed into our condition. ~Samuel Pepys


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Home cooking: where many a man thinks his wife is. ~Author Unknown


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When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ~Sacha Guitry, Elles et toi, 1948


It isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others. ~Helen Rowland, Violets and Vinegar


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Once a woman has forgiven her man, she must not reheat his sins for breakfast. ~Marlene Dietrich

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